'Twas the Night Before Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the league

Not a manager slept – we’re all mentally fatigued

The lineups were tweaked with delusion and flair

Praying some waiver wire pickup would finally care

But the waiver wire was barren, no sleepers in sight

My first rounder limping through another quiet night (Matthews)

Goalies were guessed, not chosen with care

Because trusting a goalie in fantasy hockey is recipe for despair

Then the games started; oh what a joy!

My first line centre went cold, my streamer dash 3

While some random 4^th liner scored a hat trick against me!

I checked my lineup and suddenly felt pure dread

Forgot to start my stud – he scored 4 points on my bench instead

Just as I started to fear

Unto my bloodshot eyes did appear

A great big sleigh filled with re-enforcements and beer

Piloted by Jolly Ol’ St. Nic Suzuki, what a dear

He whistled and shouted as he called out his elves by name:

“Now Hutson, now Caufield, now Slafkovsky, & Dach

On Matheson, On Demidov, On Dobson, on Xhekaj – Go Smash!”

He sprang to the bench with a grin ear to ear,

Dropped a hat trick, then vanished till next year

The red light was glowing, the goal horn took flight,

While group chats exploded well into the night

The eggnog was poured, the box scores re-read,

Hot takes were fired like shots to the head.

Some teams were blessed, others cursed out of spite,

But hey — that’s just hockey on Christmas Eve night

So, raise up a glass to bad beats and delight,

To empty-net daggers and goalies too tight

And remember this truth as you fall asleep tonight:

Merry Christmas to all, from the depths of the basement

And for the love of God – check your lineup before it locks